Taxing Thoughts

The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that carries any reward. - John Maynard (Lord) Keynes, Economist.

A fool and his money are soon parted. It takes creative tax laws for the rest. - Bob Thaves (... or Speaker Kenneth Marende)

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing something right. – Anonymous

I wouldn't mind paying taxes… if I knew they were going to a friendly country. - Dick Gregory (... or ODM Chairman Henry Kosgey)

I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. I tried but they wanted cash. – Anonymous

The only thing that hurts more than paying an income tax is not having to pay an income tax. - Lord Thomas Robert Dewar

The wages of sin are death, but after they take the taxes out, it's more like a tired feeling, really. - Paula Poundstone

Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed. – Robert Heinlein (... or Ikolomani Chatterbox Bonny Khalwale)

Taxation with representation ain't so hot either. - Gerald Barzan

The income tax created more criminals than any other single act of government. - Barry M. Goldwater

To lay with one hand the power of government on the property of the citizen and with the other to bestow it on favored individuals is none the less robbery just because it is called taxation. - US Supreme Court in Loan Association v. Topeka (1874)

The Government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul. - George Bernard Shaw

Government does not tax to get the money it needs; government always finds a need for the money it gets. - Ronald Reagan, President of the United States of America

Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it. - Ronald Reagan, President of the United States of America

To tax the community for the advantage of a class is not protection, it is plunder. - Benjamin Disraeli, Prime Minister of the United Kingdom

The more one considers the matter, the clearer it becomes that redistribution is in effect far less a redistribution of free income from the richer to the poorer, as we imagined, than a redistribution of power from the individual to the State.- Bertrand de Jouvenel

The question is: What can we, as citizens, do to reform our tax system? As you know, under our three-branch system of government, the tax laws are created by Satan. But he works through Parliament, so that's where we must focus our efforts. - Dave Barry

Change, Missing the Mark.

Reflections from a Kenyan in Oz...

Not to provoke anyone, but I’m truly tired of hearing about what Barack Obama is going to do for us. We, Kenyans, are hoping that on the basis of his roots, Barack Obama will look favorably this way. But can his life lessons and integrity be associated with the place we call home?

We can only blame ourselves for the state we are in and need to look within for the solutions to our problems. To every person who does not vote, and everyone who votes not for the issues that affect their lives but on tribal lines, for everyone who is ready to sell their votes for a couple of bucks. We need to stand up as a people and by the power of the vote say NO to leaders who campaign on incitement and fear mongering.

Say NO to party hopping candidates who want leadership by any route available without regard for ideology or personal integrity. If such was the case with the United States, Hillary Clinton would have moved from the Democratic Party and start her own party or formed a coalition so that she too could stand another chance at the presidency. But she didn’t do that because at the end of the day she still has faith and belief that the principles her party stands for are right and she will continue to support the party. The party policies and manifesto are more important than the individual, but we don’t see that in our politics or even in our leaders; Kalonzo, Raila, Ruto and crew have all jumped ship over and over when their interests were not met. None of our politicians has ever been for the party or for the people. Just for themselves.

The tough situation with unemployment and poverty makes it hard for one to have pride in their country, where the poor keep getting poorer, where health care is unaffordable, where essential amenities like water, electricity, transport, education, employment and security are considered of little importance by the people we elect hoping that they would even for an instance pretend to care enough to try and tackle them. But alas, it doesn’t even hit them in the slightest that we down here are in need of the same facilities that we have allowed them to enjoy through our votes. Their most important order of business has always been to increase their own salaries at the expense of the people and doing nothing.

The articles I have been reading from my fellow Kenyans since Obama became president are those of careful jubilation, and we should be. But we celebrated Obama’s win with a public holiday, a country that he doesn’t even call home, while for the Americans themselves, it was back to business and life as normal. A waste of time and resources on a public holiday that we did not deserve.

Some would say that may be I speak much due to my current living condition, but I would like to say that home is where my heart is and it is in Kenya, and I would also like to address my brothers and sisters who are living abroad, I hope and pray that some day, we all, as I have planned, look forward to returning back to the homeland, the motherland. We bitch a lot about the situation In Kenya and how it is not changing and nothing good is happening there. Being in Australia, seeing and learning as I have about governments, state, federal and local, about politics and loyalties to parties and party principles and not to individuals, economics….and many more, we are the change and the breath of fresh air that the country needs if we all go back at one time or the other with the positive use of the networks that we have built all over as we are abroad. Kenya is destined to rise from the ashes of nothingness and shine to the possibilities that only our imaginations can limit. Kenyans would have the opportunity to shine at home as we Kenyans do out here, the self imposed exile and exodus that we take should be for opening up our minds to the possibilities that what we learn out here, we can export it back and give those same dreams and possibilities to other Kenyans at home. Then they too would not think of going abroad to look for possibilities of a better future because we will have brought the future home.

I am vexed honestly, to see a country that I love miss the mark like it has.

...By Vincent Tshaka, Sydney, Australia.

Ida begrudgingly Rejects Allowance

What ought to have been a matter of outright rejection at the first instance, stretched out to be a fortnight of apparent soul-searching process for Ida Odinga. She seems to have come to terms, albeit grudgingly, that the Ksh 400,000 allowance is at the moment an unwise political misstep that has elicited a fast and furious backlash from folks that would otherwise form her bedrock of support.

To pretend that she had only read of the offer in the press and therefore treated it as malicious rumor from her detractors is disingenuous crap pasted from an old script. Since keeping silent would have implied her complicity in the attempted skimming of public funds, it was perhaps necessary that she made her position clear. But her statement came out as a bitter retort to “people” when in fact a simple line or two rejecting the offer would have sufficed. Her rigmarole about “heavy responsibility on behalf of the Republic of Kenya” is menacing and it is probably just as well that she is not occupying a higher office on behalf of “people”.

The outrageous allowance offer did, however, find support from what seemed unlikely quarters. Former nominated MP Njoki Ndungu, who has over the years built a reputation as a brave defender for women and children rights came out with some fairly strange support for the allowances. Ms Ndungu thinks that the monies should be paid “in recognition for the evident work that spouses do in our political structures”. She adds that “We expect them to occasionally hold court, to preside over functions, to grace important State occasions, to be patrons of organizations, etc. We are essentially asking them to give up their private lives.” Madam Njoki, are we?

If such defense as Njoki’s came from the ‘ordinary’ citizenry, it might have carried some water and even looked progressive. But from you, Madam Njoki, it brings with it a little tinge of elitism prevalent in the leafy neighborhood you share with Ida and Pauline. It sounds like support for ‘one our own’. Otherwise, I am persuaded that “we” do not demand these vague services for which we are expected to pay for without even a little pretense to consultation. And “we” expect that perhaps spouses should consult before either of them plunges into public service of the political kind. Anyone who finds that politics is “drudgery”, as Njoki puts it, should steer clear of it and no one will begrudge them.

Now, Pauline. I expect that she will produce a back-dated letter to Muthaura showing that she had rejected the offer first!

Related article; Pauline Musyoka and Ida Odinga; Spouses or Escorts

The Importance of Being Amos Kimunya

The impudence of this man Kimunya is so deeply ingrained that it has blinded him to the leadership opportunity offered by the step-aside debacle. In a few strokes of disingenuous insolence, he has managed to soil an otherwise impeccable CV that many a young man would aspire for. In a few short years, he has morphed from a potential generational icon to a foolish man who “has no business serving the people of Kenya”.

All of Kimunya’s supposed education is worth charcoal if he cannot see the charges against him as a simple and straightforward test of integrity that he can so easily overcome. It is primitive politics to fighting like a cornered robber who whips out a gun to engage cops in a shoot-out because they’d “…rather die than…” The leadership ethics of the modern era require a simple act of ‘stepping aside’ until such charges are resolved one way or another. This should be particularly easy for Kimunya if, as he says, his hands are clean. Intransigence just for the sake of being “mwanaume” will only serve to alienate him from the very people whose support he requires for a meaningful career in politics.

After he clears his name, he might want to consider serving out the rest of his parliamentary term away from the limelight. I think he has terribly let down a lot of people who have faith in the capacity of Kenya’s young people to bring about positive change on the national stage.

Is The Electoral Commission Now Competent?

Only a few weeks ago, the ECK was under a barrage of fiery criticism for its shoddy handling of last year’s general election. Samuel Kivuitu, the aging face of the commission, even faced the ignominy of being hounded out of various facilities by crowds in Mombasa who did not spare him some choice epithets. And unlike the period prior to the polls, not even the media crews were seeking him out for his wise cracks. For a moment, the old man and his team seemed to have been written off as unfit for public office and culpable for criminal negligence. But only for a moment.

As is typical of our national capacity to stomach crass ineptitude in our institutions for the sake of “love, peace and unity”, “healing and reconciliation” or some such other philosophy, the dangerous (in)actions of ECK during last years poll are gently being swept under the carpet. Indications are that the Kriegler commission is destined to perform a time consuming glossing over exercise that will land us with yet another report to study. Kriegler, Kivuitu and the government have, in any case, confirmed that investigating ECK with a view to recommend their removal from office or otherwise is not within their mandate.

Meanwhile, Kivuitu and his team are going about their business without an iota of remorse for the December election fiasco. They are in fact putting the final touches to preparations for by-elections on 11 July for which our political parties are getting ready to rumble. The same parties that two months ago were swearing that the ECK “could not be trusted to conduct elections even for a village cattle-dip committee”. What has changed to make the Kivuitu team acceptable? Probably the comforts of high office in the ungainly coalition have blunted their discernment and shifted their loyalties.

The tragedy is that somewhere down the line, the same see-no-evil-hear-no-evil coterie of myopic politicians will be seeking to mobilize citizens against the same institutions they are now abetting in crime and emasculating.

There is a generation that should read through these silly political games and consciously choose to have nothing to do with them for they portend a grim future.

Our Ministers Don't Know

Ministers and state corporation chiefs who were ranked as poor performers in last year’s evaluation report released last week are up in self-righteous indignation. They’re taking every opportunity at public events to rave and rant with spectacular idiocy about their ‘unfair persecution’ which to me seems only to further validate the report.

First of all, the fora at which they are delivering their defenses are inappropriate for their hoity-toity posturing and to me, fellows who cannot sort out what to say, where to say it or when to say it are quite obviously ill-equipped to manage their dockets within defined parameters. As politicians they are obviously tempted to open their mouths whenever or wherever they see a microphone even when ordinary common sense would dictate that they just stay quiet.

Some of the jarring noise makers do not even seem to know what they are defending, especially seeing that they were not even in charge of those dockets or even in government when the evaluations were carried out. Like one Wycliffe Oparanya (planning and vision 2030) who was appointed minister just a few weeks ago and now says that the evaluation criteria were/are vague. I do not know the extent of his brotherly love that nudges him to defend the poor performance of the previous manager but why did he sign a vague contract upon his own appointment this year? Rather than outline his strategy for better performance this year, the man is poking at the Nairobi City Council for being rated best amongst the local government authorities because “Nairobi is the filthiest town in the country”. How he arrives at that dubious assessment and where he found the time or competence to undertake the evaluation is unknown. Suffice it to say that it demonstrates the widespread inability of our politicians to focus on the job at hand, their busybody-inclination to spend a lot of their time foraging in other peoples’ turf.

Like Moses Wetangula (Foreign Affairs) who says he undertook trade negotiations with Iranian businesses to import Kenyan meat and also discussed packages with European tourism groups to send tourists to Kenya. The credit, he says, will reflect positively on his counterparts’ performance and not his. He does not say where he finds the time or impetus to carry out other ministers’ duties and leave his on autopilot then come round to plead that “I do not know the criteria used” in the evaluation. And of course, since he did not know the criteria, it follows that “I do not know why the ministry was among the poor performers”. The ministry for foreign affairs wasn’t just among the poor performers, it was the worst. Granted though, the man at the helm for the evaluation period was one Raphael Tuju whose haughtiness did not endear him to many as the country’s top diplomat. Wetangula was Tuju’s able(?) assistant at the time and since taking over the docket this year, has been treading the same path with arrogant posturing and regular diplomatic gaffes as if to out-do his predecessor. Obviously, a legal background has not refined the man’s presentation which is tragic as it debunks widespread citizen’s hopes that the time for a younger, more educated generation to manage the country was nigh.

Clearly, change in management style will certainly not be achieved with the likes of Mwangi Kiunjuri who seems slated to spend yet another stint in government as a cheerleader rather than a leader. A teacher by profession, Kiunjuri attempted to illustrate his disapproval of the evaluation criteria thus;

"One needs to look at the targets the ministries set vis-à-vis their achievement. If my ministry set out to build 100 dams but built only 50, while someone else set a target to sink 50 boreholes, but surpassed this to 100, they will be judged differently. Further, we must look at the resources required for the two targets before ranking them on the scale of success and failure,"

Kiunjuri’s illustration may seem to have a tinge of rustic cleverness although it is in fact foolish. It is an argument adopted by many of his colleagues who fared badly in the exercise and demonstrates an unacceptable level of ignorance about quality management amongst the ministers.

While a good number of working citizens have been keeping pace with worldwide developments in implementation of various quality assurance systems like the ISO standards, our politicians have been sleeping on the job only to wake up for spurts of unedifying tomfoolery. The Prime Minister, under whose office the management of the evaluation exercise now falls, must find a way to bring these neanderthal MPs up to speed if they are to play a meaningful role in managing this country. It is absurd to continue paying seven figure salaries, or any salary at all, to public officials who openly admit that they do not know or understand their job descriptions.

Raila embarks on 'big man' journey

Last weekend’s homecoming parties by Raila served to point to the steadily decreasing capacity of Kenya’s politicians to feel the pulse of their supporters. His purported razor-sharp intelligence network obviously hadn’t prepared him for the booing and heckling by the disenchanted crowds at the stadium when he attempted to defend his coalition arrangement with Kibaki. And without objective analysts on the ground to pick up the signs of a disillusioned support base, he is perhaps relying on our print media’s worn-out descriptions of the Kisumu crowds as fanatical. So with new power trappings in tow, he might just have been expecting quite a bit of worship from the massive turnout. But it was not to be and, courtesy of his restless audience, he ended up giving what seemed like his shortest speech in recent times. For a man who likes to have the last word, that must have been quite humbling. But then again, what can possibly humble a politician, hard boiled in Kenya, whose motives are increasingly coming out as not only self-serving but outrageously short-sighted? As if all that ever mattered to him was to be Kenya’s Prime Minister. Or President.

It is becoming clearer by the day that the coalition agreement he signed with Kibaki was a rushed hotchpotch of a document that is not likely to survive the stresses and strains of ODM/PNU politics. As if it was drafted by first year law students, it is now emerging that it has many glaring loop-holes and grey areas which are likely to occupy our parliamentarians with endless sideshows for the next five years. (Like the crass war of protocol between him and Kalonzo.) Did either of the bigwigs actually read and understand the document or did they sign under duress from Kofi Annan/US? Kibaki obviously saw the chance for a let off and rushed in to buy time (another 5 years) and a deck hand to clean his mess. What about Raila? What was he rushing into? He has been talking himself hoarse about some half-a-loaf ideology to justify his rush into the Kibaki government but last weekend was the Kisumu folks’ turn to tell him that they did not buy it. Did he listen?

Probably not. At least going by his subsequent utterances which displayed his bizarre distaste for dissent. The man has spent his entire political life in the opposition ranks professing its essence and virtues and fighting for the rights of those with different opinion to be heard. Now that he is Prime Minister he wants the Luo to conform to government and discard their ‘opposition mentality’. In other words, the Luo should not question Raila because he knows what is good for them. And they don’t?! And now that they (ODM?) are running the government, development will now come to Luo Nyanza. Is he intending to preside over selective development programs, like the previous governments that tended to sideline opposition zones?

What the Kisumu folks seem to be telling the man is that he is rushing headlong into Kibaki’s bungling ways for which he will take the rap. That he needs to consult the people and quit the ‘messiah’ posturing. Unless he thinks he can do without them, which he probably does, in which case he should keep it just that - a thought.

Kalonzo at sea

Faced with a nation wide strike by prison warders this early in his watch, miracle man Kalonzo appeared momentarily at his wits end as he feebly declared it an act of mutiny. Not to be cowed, the ‘undisciplined’ officers laughed off his declaration even as they dismissed the committee he had cobbled up to study their demands. After a futile attempt at tough talking and apparently overwhelmed by the unfolding crisis, the minister quickly announced that their demands would be met promptly.

From the unfortunate events, I actually think Kalonzo has no management skills to boast of, never mind his numerous contentions to the contrary during his presidential campaigns. Granted, he has only recently been appointed to head the ministry in charge of prisons but with all the years in cabinet, he cannot possibly cry for time to ‘study’ the situation in those facilities. Certainly not for a man who wanted/wants to be president. The man simply hasn’t taken some time to figure out priority activities in his portfolio, preferring instead to follow the president around. He did quite a lot of that during Moi’s time, cheering along and letting the old man do the managing of just about every department. Kibaki most certainly won’t do that for him and he knows it. But will he let go off the old man’s coat tails for some work? No. Why? Raila will hog all the limelight.

And what happened to his determination to preside over a generational change in positions of leadership? He did not even seem to pause for reflection as he selected members for the prisons committee. It is business as usual for the ruling elite. Retirees, cronies and conflicting interests in appointments. Is Kalonzo capable of change? Or as he put it in his campaigns, a ‘paradigm shift’? I say no. Will he learn anything from Uncle Moody’s and Kamakil’s snub? Not with his increasing haughtiness.

Back to Blogs.

Even bloggers take a holiday. About three months since I was last in these parts on account of creaking body parts. I’m now well nursed and good to get back to the exciting blogosphere. I’ve had days to catch up with goings on the Kenyan scene which seems to have lately become more depressing than exciting. Still, we blog on.

Govt. spokesman too clever by half

Government spokesman, one hapless Dr. Alfred Mutua, must surely be holding the most thankless of jobs in the country, albeit well paying. I do not know what his job description entails but why a supposedly learned fellow would go out of his way to spew nonsense in defense of political party shenanigans is beyond me.

The PNU has recently been alleged to be engaging in questionable misuse of the administration police, obviously with government complicity, to carry out mischievous pranks that amount to electoral fraud. After clips were aired on television attesting to these deceitful acts, the good doctor came out with guns firing aimlessly and declared that nothing was amiss. That;

• The KTN was displaying shoddy journalism because they should have contacted defense minister J. Michuki first for clarification or the AP Commandant or Mutua himself before going on air with the story.
• That the relocation of the policemen was normal practice, like in previous elections, to provide security at the poll stations.
• That privately owned buses were hired to ferry the ‘hundreds of thousands’ of policemen because the units did not have enough buses for the job. That the buses were more comfortable for the ‘more than a thousand kilometer, journey.

First, Michuki and the Commandant are at the centre of the allegations. What would one expect them to say other than deny, deny, deny? And the last time the old snake was rattled, a media house nearly burnt down. I guess once bitten, twice shy. As for Mutua, he’d have to get the facts from Michuki and the Commandant anyway. Although he just cannot skip a moment to speak even when he doesn’t have the ‘facts’.

Secondly, if the suspicious night relocation is normal practice, why did it not raise eyebrows the previous times when so much more was at stake for the incumbents? May be because they did not have a Mutua to make a bad situation worse. And why is there no movement reported from the NYS, GSU camps?

Third, it is all well to ferry policemen around in comfort. But how many? What figure is ‘hundreds of thousands’? The officially stated ratio of policeman to civilian in Kenya is 1:1000, which puts the force number to about 40,000. Who are the other ‘hundreds of thousands’ and what would they all be doing in Nairobi? Even if one were to be generous to Mutua and grant him the lower end of his figure, say 100,000, he would require 1600 (62-seater) buses to ferry them. To where? If, as he says, the journeys are 1000km from Nairobi, these folks will be disembarking outside the Kenya border!

Shouldn’t a government spokesman have all his facts right before attempting to spin them for advantage? These old wives tales just don’t sell

Raising the stupidity index.

Listening to the utterances of politicians during this electioneering period can be quite a stressful expenditure of energy. Their foolish pronouncements suggest that it is futile to have great expectations from the 10^th parliament.

Sample these…

RAILA TO PASTORALISTS ON LOSS OF LIVESTOCK DURING DROUGHT: “…we shall introduce an insurance scheme to compensate you for each animal lost…”
(To be run by the government? Without premium payments?)

KALONZO ON HIS PLEDGE TO ERADICATE POVERTY: “…we shall introduce food coupons for the poor…”
(Coupons to Uchumi supermarket? Cereals board warehouses?)

NJENGA KARUME ON WHY KIBAKI CANNOT LOSE THE ELECTION: “…remember I am the minister for defense…”
(Yes, we shall remember!)

PATTNI ON ERADICATING POVERTY: “…the government should reduce the gap between the rich and the poor. We shall pay allowances to the unemployed until they secure jobs…”
(Using Goldenberg money?)

RAILA CRITISIZING KIBAKI FOR CREATING DISTRICTS HAPHAZARDLY: “…we are going to make each constituency a district…”
(Matching Kibaki hummer for hammer?)

NYACHAE TO THE SDA ON THE RAILA-NAFLEM MoU: “…you cannot claim to be neutral when we are threatened with a Muslim incursion if Raila takes power…”
(Stupidity of an old man)

KALONZO ON IMPROVING THE ECONOMY: “…we shall make Kenya a 24hour working economy…”
(By opening government offices for 24 hours and employing more civil servants? By taking over private businesses and opening the doors round the clock?)

RAILA ON TRAFFIC CONGESTION IN NAIROBI: “…I am a qualified engineer. We shall build flyovers to crisscross the city centre…”
(And Kibaki is a qualified economist)

MUTULA KILONZO ON WHY KALONZO WILL NOT STEP DOWN: “…his photograph will be on the ballot. He is the most beautiful…”
(So Raila was right about the beauty contest opinion polls?)

KOIGI WAMWERE ON WHY THE GOVERNMENT DID NOT INTERVENE IN THE KURESOI CLASHES: “…Raila told the president to act but not to send the police there. The president could not therefore act because the army only acts on external aggression…”
(Kibaki takes orders from Raila?!)

KALONZO ON REVENUE COLLECTION: “…we shall reduce the PAYE tax bracket by excluding those earning less than Ksh 30,000 per month…”
(And increase the rate on those earning more than Ksh 30,000?)

These ‘leaders’ must surely think their audience to be foolish.

How Lucy is slapping Kibaki out of Statehouse.

[Guest post by NWW]

The other day I googled LUCY KIBAKI and this is what the world has to say about her.

WIKIPEDIA – Lucy Muthoni Kibaki is the controversial wife of Kenyan President Mwai Kibaki.

BBC NEWS - The BBC’s Gray Phombeah charts the transformation of Lucy Kibaki from adored first lady to object of ridicule.

BBC NEWS – The wife of President Mwai Kibaki burst into newspaper offices to protest at its portrayal of a row she had with a neighbor.

TIMES ONLINE - Blundering MC is slapped by the president’s wife – Kenya’s first lady.

KENYA DEMOCRATIC PROJECT – Arrest Lucy Kibaki before it’s too late!

WASHINGTON POST - In rural churches and urban back-room offices, the first lady of Kenya, Lucy Kibaki, was teased for being a pushy political wife.

YOU TUBE – Lucy, you have brought Mzee’s government down.

She has also earned herself spot in the ODD NEWS section of msn.com/entertainment.

There’s one more rather interesting story from http://www.utexas.edu/conferences/africa/ads/672.html - why Nigerians should be interested in the tragic-comical story of Mrs. Lucy Kibaki. Apparently they have also had some first lady woes not so unlike ours.

The Telegraph UK depicts his Excellency President Mwai Kibaki as a hapless president stuck in the middle as two wives go to war.

Oh! And the very last article is from Statehouse about the first lady being involved in some Philanthropic activities.

I grew up during the Moi era and I thought I’ve seen it all. Corruption, inflation, hunger, tribal clashes, name it. Kenyans saw it during the 24 year Moi rule. Except of course a first lady. And so my first unfortunate experience of a first lady and indeed for many Kenyans is one Mrs. Lucy Kibaki. When I think of a first lady I think of my Mum. Now my mum is not one to breath fire and brimstone like we witnessed a few years ago when Lucy stormed the Nation Center. Or slap full grown men in the face – or indeed slap anyone at all! She had other ways of imparting discipline and I’m pleased to report that my siblings and I are all grown up and well disciplined.

Each of us has a reason for voting in a presidential candidate come December 27^th 2007. I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve not read anybody’s manifesto or believed in their promises and miracles. And while I’m not in the streets singing yote yawezekana bila Lucy, mine is simply to kick disgrace out and to hopefully inject some decorum into statehouse. Nobody can be sure whether Ida Odinga fits the bill but I don’t think Kenya can possibly be third time unlucky. It just doesn’t work that way. And even if she comes in with some Drama of her own, it will not in my estimation be anywhere near what Lucy has subjected us to. Ida’s slate is still clean. I can hardly wait for her presence of grace Statehouse and public functions. And that is why I’ll vote for Raila Amollo Odinga despite the fact that I hail from Lucy’s Mukurwe-ini constituency in Nyeri District. Mine is one measly vote. How many more votes has Lucy’s behavior lost the president?

Gender parity in handouts?

I am beginning to doubt whether there are enough women of substance in Kenya to agitate for gender parity in leadership positions. Substance being the stern stuff that political ambition is made of. Going by their Monday ‘trooping of colors’ at the US envoys residence with begging bowls in hands, their candidature in this year’s elections may just end up being feeble symbolism.

Somebody, most probably a man, duped them that the envoy would be funding their campaigns. And so they made a beeline to his residence armed with tales of misery to fortify their case for charity. Among them was the supposedly experienced Julia Ojiambo, prospective vice-president of Kenya. When no dollars were forthcoming from big brother, they started pouring out to him the trials and tribulations they were encountering on the campaign trail. Perhaps the good envoy has broad shoulders to cry on but the poor women must surely know that he does not have powers to nullify the polls on account of the rough treatment meted out to them. I hope they did not leave without a good ‘diplomatic’ dinner because that may well be the last time they go limping on the hallowed grounds of that residence.

Is it not vain to expect that an increase of women numbers in parliament will change in any helpful way how Kenyan politics is played? If they seem clueless on how to finance their entry to political careers, what creativity are they likely to bring to management of public affairs? Politics is not for the meek and if they are finding mobilization of masses a tearful venture, they might as well cheer the men candidates along and wait for the token nominations to parliament. At least in a nominated capacity there is no pressure to perform and they’ll be well positioned to attend stately dinners. With misadventures like this one coupled with constant whining and crying, there are no signs that their gender imparts on them any nobler motivation for high office. So far, they are not demonstrating why ‘vote for women’ will bring change.

If they cannot stand the heat, they should stay out of the kitchen….oops!

Raila’s oratory dismal

For a man working overtime to convince the Kenyan electorate that he’s the ‘people’s president’ for real change, Raila’s public speaking is increasingly getting dull and uninspiring. Opinion polls may be deluding him to take it for granted that he will be the next president and therefore sees no need to polish his act. That is unfortunate because I believe that persuasive oratory should be among the key tools for an agent of change aspiring to sway to his side a progressively enlightened and skeptical populace; more so, in a political field plagued with dishonest players spewing forth strange policies that they neither understand nor believe in.

That Raila has a poor grasp of the Kiswahili language is no excuse for him to resort to his droning formal speeches, written most probably by Anyang Nyongo. The way he labors through them belies his ownership of the content and puts him in an impossible position to display his passion for the issues at hand. No wonder sections of his entourage shamelessly doze through his performance while most of his weary audiences patiently wait for his abridged comical version in Kiswahili. Fortunately, he seems to have a well organized network of cheer leaders who serve to raise decibels with every faltering pause in his speech. To his credit though, his buffoonery on the podium has lessened in recent times, but I suspect that even he himself does not flatter himself about the effectiveness of his oratory. Maybe that is one reason why he is endlessly addressing crowds with no rest for reflection, resulting in clichés and pretentious rhetoric.

So what change will the ‘people’s president’ bring when connecting to the people is clearly such a daunting task? The past three presidents fell in the same category of poor orators and indeed many of the dubious ‘changes’ they brought about were attributed to wicked judgment of their advisers, the mysterious ‘people around the president’. These are the people on whom the task of interpreting presidential speeches fell on. Is Raila not treading the same path? Can the citizens draw inspiration from him or shall we have to look elsewhere like, say, Barrack Obama (remember Raila’s sheepish grinning as he displayed photos taken with Obama)? Or do we need to study the life and times of Mahathir Mohamed, PM of Malaysia (whom Raila recently declared as his hero)?

Where is mediator Kalonzo?

Kalonzo Musyoka often trumpets his mediation skills as being among his many outstanding qualifications for presidency. He cites involvement in the settlement of a peace agreement between the SPLM/Sudan government and cessation of inter-clan war in Somali among his achievements. Well, give the man his fifteen minutes of success, seeing that the Somali seem to erupt at whim depending on mood swings in the clans while the Sudan agreement is presently on the verge of collapsing.

Are Kalonzo’s skills only useful, however short-lived, at the international level? Has he heard of Mt. Elgon or Kuresoi? Unlike the Somali and Sudanese, these are people with whom he shares a border and whose votes he is seeking to become the next president of Kenya. He is often heard to declare that “my government will” put an end to these conflicts. Is it therefore to his benefit for the killings to go on until he becomes president so that he can take credit for stopping them? Or is his mediation skill only manifest when he is in high ranking government position?

It appears that his position in government accorded him only a ceremonial role in the Sudan peace talks after the real job had been accomplished by, among others, retired army chief Lazarus Sumbeiywo. The same for Somali. He could not bring his imaginary skills to the ODM, resorting instead to throwing lowly ethnic epithets and eventually the parting of ways with “my brother Raila”.

Kalonzo is busy strutting around the country in search of votes. What or who is stopping him from getting the warring sides in Molo and Elgon around a peace table? Probably the man has no mediation skill at all! IF the man makes it to statehouse, will the people of Kuresoi and Mt. Elgon know peace? Not with his evident spineless disposition.

Gender parity by all means?

If the basis of agitation for gender parity in parliament is that women make up 52% of our population, then I think that goal is unlikely to be met. There’s excitement all round that for the first time in our history, more than 100 women have bee nominated to stand for parliamentary seats. There is also whispered agreement that this development is merely symbolic and valuable only for the psychological boost it gives to the fight against marginalization of women. Even the gender activists themselves are being quoted putting the expected success rate at no more than 20%.

Is there anyone who believes that any of the candidates is likely to be voted to parliament only because of their gender? No. Is there any of them who will be able to marshal all the women voters in her constituency to her side? No. It is neither feasible nor desirable. The elections are not about men versus women. It can never be. There will never be an issue that will unite either gender as one and pit it against the other.

To campaign for the attainment of gender parity is futile. Let all women who want to ‘fight’ for the seats do so without hindrance or favors on account of their gender. It is the leadership aptitude that matters, not waist matters to gain latitude.

Cross-border sorcerer to assist in polls?

These are indeed desperate times for local politicians. So soon after the short-lived Dick Morris debacle, we now see on national TV news of the impending arrival of a Tanzanian sorcerer to assist aspirants clinch victory in the December polls. Mercifully, the sly expert did not declare which campaign team was sponsoring his upcoming visit in which a mammoth serpent is among his accompanying assistants.

It has been ‘alleged’ for a long time that witchcraft has been among the whispered rules of engagement in the political arena. Rules that a court proclaimed repugnant and so disqualified one Musikari Kombo from electioneering a few years back for bringing them into play. The supposed witchdoctor never gave evidence, perhaps due to professional sanctions that guarantee ‘doctor’/client confidentiality. Presumably these ethics do not apply across the border or times have changed dramatically. Now, practitioners of the dark arts give interviews, publicize their itinerary and advertise on national TV with devious demonstrations of their skills. He does not quote his fee for the categories of aspirants he’ll be servicing but judging from the eager look in his eye and the manifestly large kitties in the polls, his Kenya harvest will be bumper.

Apparently, Dick and his ilk have to wait a little longer before their spin expertise become a vital part in the local game. Sorcery is not about to be discarded any time soon by our leaders and it is now even gaining acceptance by national TV stations as just another art form to be beamed into peoples’ homes at prime time. That citizens have a right to information is not in doubt. But methinks the screening of such bizarre arts is of dubious ethical value.

The Trials of Brother Kajairo

Politics has beckoned and KJ, Kajairo and Mdomo Baggy have answered the call. Branding themselves as ‘Young Kenyans for Raila’, the three have been popular artistes in the nascent Kenyan entertainment industry that has just begun to show sparkling signs of growth. At some point I thought this was another industry stunt, akin to that of KISS FM in the previous election when the trio’s colleague, Nyambane, clowned around the city with his pilau party.

I think their decision to play politics is impulsive and retrogressive to Kenya’s artistic development. These young men had just begun to position themselves as models to other youth seeking to free themselves from dependency to crystallize their latent capabilities. To abandon this role suggests that perhaps they themselves were ignorant of their own potential to climb to a higher peak. To walk out on their fans is reckless. The ‘celebrity’ status has gotten to their heads and they are deluding themselves if they expect to transfer their stage charms to the political arena for leadership positions.

What is luring these young Kenyans to political leadership? To acquire fuel-guzzling road runners, saunter around with bodyguards, sleep at exclusive residential addresses? I most certainly hope not. It is nice to be young, but what advantage does it give one to manage the varied needs of a constituency? Unlike with fans at a show, interpersonal relationships here are of a complex design. It is one thing to charm crowds and ask them to “raise your hands and say yeah!” It is quite another to deal with the multiplicity of community wishes.

One can empathize with the frustrated feeling that the current parliamentarians have often let society down with their inability to solve or alleviate the extant hardships. But are political leaders the only ones obligated to do so? Celebrities elsewhere in the world are involved in mobilization of masses and funds, setting up projects and facilities for society and disadvantaged groups. And they do so much more successfully probably because of non-interference and involvement of parochial politicians. However, they are able to achieve this because they themselves first attain success in their careers. This is what these three should be working at.

KJ, Kajairo and Mdomo Baggy are not anywhere that can remotely be described as the peak of their careers. They are popular but they are yet to be successful. As artistes, they too have the capacity to mobilize for the implementation of whatever projects in their blueprints and still walk with their heads high, dignified and honorable. They do not have to go regaling the masses with political buffoonery and spewing unhelpful platitudes.

And Nakumatt said,"let there be light in Meru"!

It sounds strange that Meru town got its first street lights installed only last week, courtesy of Nakumatt Holdings. It is reported that Meru town residents were gripped with excitement and took quite some time marveling at the bright lights lining the town’s main highway. Minister Mwiraria was of course not to be left behind, profusely thanking Nakumatt and passionately appealing them to extend the lighting project right to the edges of the town.

Make no doubt about it, Mwiraria and his counterparts will be mounting PNU podiums in the next few weeks praising the taa ya maendeleo brought about by the government’s CDF program. But now we know that while they were engaged in the national duty of negotiating lease contracts with faceless vampires of no known abode, some socially responsible (or fast-footed enterprising) citizens were modernizing their village town for them. And Nakumatt, having agreed to extend the project, has probably given them a straw to clutch on during their vote seeking charades where they’ll ask for the next five years for kazi iendelee.

Are the Meru town residents now debating whether it is their waheshimiwa who bring them maendeleo or Nakumatt Holdings? In the meantime, a few of them could be visualizing the prospects of a stall or two for their beloved qat twigs outside the expansive Nakumatt shopping mall once completed.

Waheshimiwa is there any chance of installing Mr. Thiagarajan Ramamurthy (Nakumatt Operations Director) a Meru elder? He’s certainly done much more for the locals than the councils of haggard elders we recall imploring Kibaki to return Mwiraria to the cabinet!

Raila dictates to the Pentagon.

Finally, Ngilu has stopped her dithering (for the season) and found herself a seat in the ODM’s Pentagon, courtesy of Raila’s apparent forcefulness which has many times been given as an example of his dictatorial streak. Bizarrely, the man waved and danced along gleefully upon his entry into the meeting hall as the women belted out the infamous “tawala Kenya, tawala”.

The unimaginatively named Pentagon still appears at present to be an ‘exclusive’ club with no known structure or purpose. Other than of course, to hand its members constituency nomination tickets in a clearly undemocratic manner. Ngilu has therefore just gone through two successive back doors – no club fees to pay (1million) and no lobbying of party delegates for support.

The MoU with Ngilu probably sets out that in return for an ODM wave back to parliament, she’ll take the war of attrition to one Kalonzo Musyoka’s backyard. A tall order which Raila believes she’ll deliver on because “we were in government together”. Woe unto you agwambo should she succeed, for come January/February she’ll be throwing her infamous ‘tantrums’ demanding the vice-presidency. Should she fail, she’ll be vilifying you for your dictatorial streak as being behind any such debacle.

For now, Raila is not showing any signs of introducing inventive ways for preparing his party or the country to move to higher ground. Most certainly, recycling leaders whose usefulness lies in the romantic past is dubious.

Does agwambo believe in institution building and strengthening? Never mind that the pentagon itself is amorphous, were the other four privy to the Ngilu elevation? Not likely. What happened to the famed Raila tact? Could he not announce that “WE, the pentagon have agreed to incorporate” Ngilu?

We cannot hope to advance positively by relying only on his forcefulness to drive the country anywhere he deems fit.